I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize