i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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