I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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