Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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