i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
