what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
