Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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