I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
