I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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