I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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