I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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