The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
