I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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