so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
