Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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