i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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