...so i touched it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
