Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk is not a location!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
