singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she told me i tasted like america
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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