go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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