there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
