Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
