No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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