How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
