You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
