Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
