Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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