Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
