Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
