i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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