can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And then my night got REAL pukey
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
