That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he thought i was a dude.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
