Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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