the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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