So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
