Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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