she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
