College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
