Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
