Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
