Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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