Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
