The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Still dying that you shit outside
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen