watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard