Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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