so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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