we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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