I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize