I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
