That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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