farters have to be the big spoon...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
