If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
