i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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