On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
