debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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