Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
