She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
