OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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