it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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