Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.