tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
