BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
