If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.