does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Terrible idea I love it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
