omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
