It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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