I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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