i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
