Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize