oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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